Since I last wrote I became a wife, mother, and student. Busy, doesn't quite capture it.
I started this blog - the 30'th year - expecting that it would be about my life in Haiti. But, as I wrote previously those plans quickly changed. Since then I found myself in Wisconsin, Guatemala, California, and currently in DC.
A little over a year ago, Rafael and I got our own apartment, and in my "nesting" mode at the time, I began to put our mark on it. It had been SO long since I could unpack fully and make a place my own. And, additionally, we'd soon be adding a little creature to our lives. I had it stuck in my eight month's pregnant mind, that I had to paint the walls. The "had" is the operative word. It was all I thought about. I finally, took a detour on the bus-ride home one day and stopped in at a paint store. Three cans and colors later, along with brushes, tarps, tape, and all of the other "painting gear" imagined I lugged the goods back to our apartment. I pretended it wasn't heavy, since I was going against my Doctor's order and Rafael's keen watch not to carry heavy items. Rafa looked at me as I walked through the doors and stated "is this really necessary?" "um, yes, it is." I remember being near tears, I couldn't imagine bringing a baby into this world with all white walls. Perhaps, just one of the loopy things that persisted in my cell depleted pregnant brain. Rafa, saw the urgency and rather than taking up a battle, proceeded to paint the walls under my desperate direction.
Just as soon as the linger of the paint smell dissipated baby was born! That is a story in itself. But I will shorten it to: yoga move = water breaks, slowest taxi ride known to mankind, 15 hours of labor, equating each contraction to a mountain range - this helped my geography - elude to motherhood multitasking, no dilation, tired me, distressed baby = cesarian. Baby boy Antonio Ronan born, sucking his thumb!
In August, I started back in school full time. Not one of my more brilliant ideas. However, now that the semester is in sight of being over I can say it is at least done. As many new parents do, I thought Antonio had found his groove as a nine-hour-a-night sleeper. This all changed on my first night of school. He began to wake up every few hours wanting to be held or nursed. Fatigue set in. It's kind of a constant to feel my brain is only as sharp as a butter knife. I have found solace in the belief that "becoming" comes with growing pains. And only in the past 15 or so months becoming a wife, mom and student at once has put me into overdrive. By the way this is not a rant or complaint...just a reflection.
I just finished one of my papers for school - a quantitative research project. While I enjoyed it and found it stretched my thinking, it also made me yearn for writing on my own terms again. So I am going to discipline myself to sit down every few weeks and write about anything I want without including a literature review or policy recommendation... or maybe, even, I will.
This is just the beginning of the brain dump. I hope with time and with practice my dull knife will sharpen and catch some light and creative insight again. It is time to nurture the right side.
